Traditions

I have found that holidays surrounded with traditions are more memorable and and more meaningful than those that have no traditions. My related family here in the United States is quite small. It consists of my mother, my father, my brother and his family, and an aunt in Prescott, AZ who has two daughters with families of their own. That is it. This is because my parents moved here from England shortly before I was born. However, through the divorce and remarriage of my parents, my “families” became much larger!

Now, for some, divorce can be something that rips families apart, however, that has not been true for mine. In fact, Throughout my childhood, I had never heard my mother say anything negative about my father, or my father say anything negative about my mother. This harmony between my parents certainly helped create a childhood devoid of parental conflict. It also helped create some wonderful traditions.

About two years after my parents divorced, my brother and I found ourselves living with my father and his second wife, our step-mother, who treated us as if we were her own sons. She had a very large family in North Dakota, but for all intents and purposes, we were pretty isolated as a family in Los Angeles. Equally, my mother was relatively isolated family-wise in Phoenix, however, my father’s cousin lived up in Prescott, and was the source of a wonderful family summer tradition in my youth. (As a side note, it’d never occurred to me that my mother would stop seeing Aunt Elsie because she was my father’s cousin. I never felt any animosity between family members in all the time that I was a child.)

Traditions really started taking root when my brother and I would go to Phoenix for the winter break. Since we were away from Dad and my step-mother during this time, we used to take the presents on the plane packed in our suitcases. After a couple of years of this, my L.A. parents recognized the silliness of it, and decided to start a second Christmas the Sunday before we left for Phoenix to be with Mom. You can imagine the excitement of having two Christmas mornings a year! And that is exactly what if felt like. We had the tree decorated usually a couple of weeks in advance. I loved coming downstairs to the pine aroma in the mornings. I loved to just sit a watch as the lights twinkled around the tree. I loved to watch as the pile of presents under the tree grew. And I actually loved going out by myself with my hard-earned money and buying gifts for my family. But what I loved most (well, next to opening the presents on Christmas morning!) was the Christmas dinner. My step-mother, Corie, is a wonderful cook. It wasn’t until later in my life that I was able to fully appreciate this. But one thing I did appreciate was savory rice stuffed Cornish game hens for our Christmas Eve dinner.

I loved it so much, you can imagine the shock and surprise when I went out Christmas shopping on “Christmas Eve” day and forgot about the wonderful dinner that was waiting for me at home! I was so focused on finding wonderful gifts for my family members that I forgot one of my favorite traditions! I quickly found a payphone to call home (no cell phones then!) and, naturally, got an earful. Of course, they were worried about me. Why would I forget a favorite tradition? Needless to say, I hopped on the local bus for my ride home and arrived about an hour after dinner was to have started. My cold game hen was still delicious, but my family was not happy. I think I made up for it the next day with the gifts I’d gotten for them. It wasn’t until I was an adult and learned that I had Attention Deficit Disorder (ADD) that I was able to forgive myself for my transgression!

Traditions grew to include the annual Christmas with Mom, annual visit to Prescott to escape the desert summer heat, and Thanksgiving. For the past decade or so, my brother and his family have added a Christmas dinner in Phoenix. Now, my son and I also visit the Los Angeles grandparents every summer for a week. When creating such traditions, it forces those who are involved to do whatever it takes to keep it going. Sometimes traditions involve sacrifice. I believe that is part of the wonder of them – part of what makes them special.

For example, my annual trip to Los Angeles for Thanksgiving has not always been easy. As a divorced father with a very young son, I have had to pinch pennies for awhile just to make sure I could afford the plane tickets to get out to Los Angeles. Having done so, however, has left me with a sense of accomplishment and pride. I haven’t always been able to pay my own way to L.A., but it is something I certainly strive to do because it makes me feel good to know that I am there because I want to be there, and I am willing to make the financial sacrifice to be there. Besides, it is such a wonderful family tradition, and I have such a wonderful family, that I wouldn’t miss it for anything!

Sometimes families clash. Mine certainly has. Sometimes things happen to make a year not as memorable. It can be a tradition-killer if you let it become one. A death in the family, or a divorce, or just a war of words can change the tone of a yearly tradition. It can make one wonder if it is worth continuing the tradition. I have found, however, that animosities fade. Three hundred sixty-five days has a way of soothing frayed nerves. It would be easy to say that you are not going to participate in a tradition because of what happened the year before. But, at least in my family, it has always felt good to put a past problem behind us and choose to have a great time this time around. Inevitably, the bad times are certainly remembered, but the it is the good times that bring us back hoping for more of the same.

When a tradition becomes solid, it is worth continuing. Oh, and if you are starting a new tradition, don’t forget to take pictures. Have them printed – yes, on paper, and stick them in a photo album. Have the albums (it will become plural!) lying around for everyone to look at. It is a bonus, when you have such an album, to have pictures that remind you of past years events. Even if you are in a bad year, you will realize what it has been like in the past, and you know it will be like that again in the future. It is amazing to watch kids grow into the traditions. I was a teenager when our annual Thanksgiving traditions started. We have pictures going back twenty-five years or more! I know my family wants it to continue for many years to come.

Happy Holidays, everyone!

Namaste