Today Put Things In Perspective

Today I picked up my son from after-school care and said it was his choice for dinner. Naturally, he chose McDonalds. My son is a naturally social kid. No matter where he goes, he seeks out others to play with. I wish I had his gumption when I was a kid. Now, Noah could have played with many other kids who were at the indoor playground at this McDonalds, but I saw him playing with a girl who had what appeared to be very floppy arms. Upon closer inspection, I realized that she wasn’t using them much. In fact, she was climbing and playing on the equipment without using her arms. Yet, her legs seemed to be fully functional. She had a big smile on her face and she was laughing and chasing and just, in general, having a great time. Yet, I found myself thinking, “Poor thing.”

I wondered what it was like for her. Did she go to a regular school? How did she do her work? What did other kids say about her condition? But, I kept watching her. Nothing seemed to phase her. She was oblivious to her condition. And my son didn’t seem in the least bothered by her condition. I wondered if he even noticed. It made me wish I could share what appeared to be his reaction to her – “Hey, she’s fun, so what’s the problem?”

Part of my reaction was probably due to my own disability. I am hearing impaired. But my disability was hidden by a mop of hair on my 1970′s head. Lucky me that I was born in the right decade. But when others did see my hearing aid, some of them would tease me unmercifully. Or at least it seemed like they did. In retrospect, I probably blew their reaction out of proportion due to my discomfort with being different from my classmates.

The other thing I noticed is that her mother didn’t appear to be the least bit concerned with her daughter climbing up and down the playground equipment. That gave me pause to reflect. My parents had been the same way with me. Though I had a relatively serious hearing loss, they did everything they could to make sure I was mainstreamed into society like any other kid. I also was never allowed to use my hearing loss as an excuse for not doing something. The only thing I was not allowed to do was play football. Then again, they didn’t let my brother play football, either. But for me, they said that it was too brutal a sport and that they didn’t want me to lose what hearing I still had.

Back to this remarkable little girl. You could tell she didn’t think of herself as remarkable – she just wanted to play – like any other kid. She wasn’t shy about it either.

Then, I did something I rarely do in public. Talk to others. I decided to ask her mother about her condition. She was so nice about it. It was clear that she knew that people were curious about her condition. Her daughter had a condition called Arthrogryposis-a congenital joint-muscle disorder. Interestingly, when I child has this condition in their arms, they frequently have it in their legs as well. So the mother said they actually felt fortunate.

I asked if she attended a regular school. She said she did. I asked how she got her work completed. She said she can actually do her own work. Once she has a pencil in her hand, she can write quite well as well as quickly. It is just that if the pencil falls out of her hand, she takes a little longer to get her grip right again. But she doesn’t get any help. In fact, there is a timed math lesson that they do daily. She used to get a one minute head start on the others, but she was doing so well, they cut it to a thirty second head start. But she was still doing well, so the teacher eliminated the head start all together because she was writing at the same speed as the average student.

Clearly, this remarkable girl was quite active. But the mother said that is the one area that is of concern. If she is playing physically and she happens to fall, she cannot use her hands and arms to break her fall, so she would often get head injuries unless she used a special helmet during P.E. The mother said her daughter hated wearing the helmet. But obviously it doesn’t make sense for her not to wear it. The mother said she actually spoke at an assembly to the other kids explaining her daughters condition to the students and why she would be wearing a helmet. She said that students asked a lot of questions, but once they were answered, and the curiosity was satiated, there were no other issues with it. She was looked upon by the others quite normally.

As we were talking, the little seven year old girl came up and flopped her hand on the table, limply grabbed a couple of french fries, dipped them into a ketchup cup, and brought her mouth down to her hand to eat it. Clearly she had very limited use of her arms, but she had enough use of her fingers to function.

I spoke at great length with the obviously very proud mother, and came away from the conversation feeling blessed to have had it. I resolved to “talk to strangers” more frequently because the more I do, the more I find that things aren’t so bad as they initially seem. Especially in situations like this. I looked toward the playground equipment in time to see my son coming down the slide laughing gleefully followed by this sweet little girl who was equally filled with joy and pondered at how much we can learn from very young children.

My son just wanted someone to play with. He may have been so blind to that fact that he neglected to even notice the girls condition. I’d meant to ask him about it before I dropped him off at his mother’s, but I’d completely forgotten. The fact that he didn’t mention it on the drive home, pretty much rendered the point moot. It didn’t really matter one way or another. He chose McDonalds because they have a playground, and he knew there was a good chance of finding some kids there that he could play with. All that mattered to him is that they could play.

Tomorrow, wouldn’t it be nice to say, hey, I just want to play. If there is someone out there that wants to play too, it doesn’t matter what they look like, it doesn’t matter their abilities, it doesn’t matter where they are from – all that matters is that they just want to have a good time. Not only do I wish it were that simple, I am certain that it is.

Namaste