Return to Civility

I have been frustrated by the incivility I saw in 2009. In one sense, I have been telling myself that this frustration has no place in my new behavior as discussed in my last post – I Release, I Let Go (And Then I Replace It With Something Else). There is nothing I can do to control the behavior of others – that much is true. For that reason, it is silly to for me to waste any energy moping about it. It is better for me to do what I can do. I love the Serenity Prayer:

God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.

Last week, I walked into a convenience store to get a soda. As I approached the soda fountain, I noticed a worker on a ladder who appeared to be working on the machine. He saw me with my soda mug in my hand and said, “Soda machine is out of order.” I turned around to leave when he laughed and good naturedly said, “I am just messing with ya!” I smiled and said, “You got me.” A short discussion followed about how I took it well, and how some people do not appreciate his kind of humor. I told him that I just don’t find it worth it to be upset about such things. He responded, “Yeah, but you should see those older black ladies – they don’t appreciate it at all.” Inwardly, I cringed. I couldn’t let the comment go without a response. So I said, “I am sure that is not true for all of them.” To which he responded, “Oh, yes, it is a lot more than you might imagine.” I turned and walked away seeing that further discussion was futile. It was just one more reminder that, as a society, we still have a long way to go.

My son’s mother is Jewish, so that makes my son Jewish. For that reason alone, he will face some discrimination in his life. It truly saddens me when I hear about white supremacists spouting off their racial rhetoric based on nothing more than skin color, religion, or creed. But there is not a whole lot I can do except be an example of what I believe is the best way to respond.

Today, I joined The Civility Project. I found that The Civility Project Facebook Fan Page is a better way to follow them, though I did sign up for email updates through their website.

Here is the Civility Project Pledge:

I hearby pledge I will be civil in my public discourse and behavior, I will be respectful of others whether or not I agree with them, and I will stand against incivility when I see it.

When I was in 7th grade, I befriended a student from Iran who was in my P.E. class. This was around the time that the United States Embassy was overtaken by fundamentalists in Iran. One day after we dressed for P.E. and before the P.E. teachers had come out of their offices, a group of students began taunting him. Blacks, Hispanics, and Anglos surrounded him and started taunting him. Fear came over his face as he looked around – he couldn’t possibly have understood the reaction of the others as he was an American – born and raised. It just so happened that he was Iranian, and students knew this. Some students were running up behind him and punching him in the gut or kicking him in the leg. I was mortified. I wanted to jump in and stand in front of him to stop them from doing that. I even had a feeling that seeing one person who was not Iranian protecting him might be enough to stop them. But I didn’t want to take the chance – I didn’t want to get hurt myself – I was afraid.

Soon after the taunting had started, the crowd was noticed by the P.E. teachers who handled the situation. But I was still disappointed with my own lack of action. Out of embarrassment, I never spoke with him again – but he will never know the reason why – it was because I was ashamed.

I have since had the opportunity to stand up for others when they were being unfairly persecuted, but not to this degree. At the least, I am much more cognizant of it than most.

I think that a return to civility is of the utmost importance to the survival of our human existence. I don’t have the fears that I once had because of my belief in the basic principles of A Course in Miracles. However, that does not mean that I will respond like a doormat. I am still going to participate in the discourse, however, I am not going to contribute to the incivility that surrounds many contentious issues. I will remain civil and recognize when, no matter how hard I try, some people will be stuck in their mindset. I will honor them and bless them and show them that I will not be drawn into a discussion that lacks civility. I will know when to back off.

I hope you will join me in making 2010 the year when we headed back to being a civil society.

Namaste