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When you chose to write goals for 2010, some of you neglected to do one very important thing – Make your goals measurable and something you can control. I know this because I have been reading many blogs by others who took the time to make new goals for the year 2010.
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As regular readers of my blog might remember, I am working on my quickness to anger. With the help of my own continued focus on my behavior, I have really made a lot of headway, but I am also noticing that I have a lot of work to do. Last week had been a real test of my willpower. I have had a muscle spasm in my back since New Year’s Eve. Thankfully, I had a prescription refill available for me through the pharmacy. However, the medicine, when I have been taking it, has made me not only tired and groggy, but also cranky. This is not a good way to feel when you have your six year old son around.
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So here we are – two days into the new year, and some of you are already pitching your resolutions into the veritable dust pile of previous New Year’s Resolutions. Some of you probably had a thought process that went something like this – “Okay, what New Year’s Resolution am I going to break this year?” That is the way I have done it in the past. However, this year something has to give if I am truly going to move forward from here. I am sure some of your are feeling the same way.
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I attended a service at my church, Creative Living Fellowship, some months ago where my minister, Rev. Michele Whittington, discussed the eight levels of pain. At the time of this service, I was deep in the throes of a gambling addiction and I could tell that I had reached the lowest levels of pain imaginable. Michele’s sermon validated my beliefs. With so many other sermons, I had been able to twist her words and make it seem like what I was doing with my poker playing was actually good for me. Now I had something concrete to show me that what I was experiencing was not healthy.
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I have been frustrated by the incivility I saw in 2009. In one sense, I have been telling myself that this frustration has no place in my new behavior as discussed in my last post – I Release, I Let Go (And Then I Replace It With Something Else). There is nothing I can do to control the behavior of others – that much is true. For that reason, it is silly to for me to waste any energy moping about it. It is better for me to do what I can do. I love the Serenity Prayer:
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For the last Sunday of 2009, my minister at Creative Living Fellowship had the most wonderful, transformational service. I recommend that, at the end of 2009, you commit to releasing behavior of your own that you are better off without, and replacing it with one that could transform your life for 2010. I can already feel this service transforming my own life.
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I had to rush to Wal-mart before church on Sunday to purchase a small gift for each of my two secret holiday pals. With my son Noah in tow, I rushed into the store. He said I was walking too fast, so even though he is six, I picked him up and carried him. The joy crossing his face was to die for. I’d mostly stopped carrying him when he turned five. But, he clearly still found pleasure in being carried through the store by his Daddy. I am sure he will ask me to do it again, now!
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When I found myself not only at the head of an elementary school classroom, but actually enjoying it, it wasn’t long before I realized that this job fit me like a glove. Not only did it fit me like a glove, but I was just doing the things that felt right for my kids – automatically. I was picking the things I thought would best help them, and I was helping them succeed. I still am. Yet, for all intents and purposes, I feel like I am still not doing all I can be.
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I have found that holidays surrounded with traditions are more memorable and and more meaningful than those that have no traditions. My related family here in the United States is quite small. It consists of my mother, my father, my brother and his family, and an aunt in Prescott, AZ who has two daughters with families of their own. That is it. This is because my parents moved here from England shortly before I was born. However, through the divorce and remarriage of my parents, my “families” became much larger!
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Today I picked up my son from after-school care and said it was his choice for dinner. Naturally, he chose McDonalds. My son is a naturally social kid. No matter where he goes, he seeks out others to play with. I wish I had his gumption when I was a kid. Now, Noah could have played with many other kids who were at the indoor playground at this McDonalds, but I saw him playing with a girl who had what appeared to be very floppy arms. Upon closer inspection, I realized that she wasn’t using them much. In fact, she was climbing and playing on the equipment without using her arms. Yet, her legs seemed to be fully functional. She had a big smile on her face and she was laughing and chasing and just, in general, having a great time. Yet, I found myself thinking, “Poor thing.”
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