Darkness Cannot Hide

Have you ever noticed that “darkness cannot hide”? (ACIM Text IV, 1,1)  You would think that darkness was all about hiding.  The image conjures up images of reflective eyes peaking out from the depths of a dark, evil forest.  Or walking down a deserted street but not quite feeling right about it.  It also brings up the dark, dank doom of depression.  When one thinks of “the dark side,” one gets swallowed up in fear or lack of control.  The fact is, however, that darkness cannot hide.  Think about it.  You can shine a light in the darkness, but you cannot “shine” darkness in the light.  Light always finds its way through the darkness. 

There is no doubt that I have had my share of dark times.  Sometimes it was very, very dark.  But somehow, there always managed to be at least a small flicker of light somewhere in that darkness.  In fact, sometimes the darkness itself was the light.  Some of you may have read my story about how I became an elementary school teacher.  Shockingly, an extended period of darkness was the key to one of my greatest blessings, becoming an elementary school teacher much faster than I thought was going to be possible. (Read more about that in “Some Curses Bring Great Blessings“) 

Through darkness shines the light.  Have you ever been in a well lit room and noticed the darkness?  Of course not!  How can you not notice the light in a dark room?  Even if there is just a sliver of it, it will be supremely more noticeable.  Think sunspots on the sun – do you ever notice those?  Why not?  The sunlight is much too powerful for you to even look at those dark spots on the surface of that great ball of fire in the sky.  Think about a new moon – darkness of the night surrounding it is no match for even a new moon because it is it is so much more beautiful.  And what about those stars?  They are millions and millions of light years away, yet they can still give us a twinkle.  In fact, it is only the light from our cities that can drown out their brightness, not the darkness itself.

I have experienced enough dark in my life to know that no matter how dark it may get, there is always a light shining within it.  I was listening to NPR today and a reporter was talking to two men who’d lost their jobs a year ago.  Both men said they wouldn’t trade the last year for anything.  They were able to see the light surrounding what happened to them.  One of them still didn’t have a job yet, but he said the last year is one he would never give back.  A few years back, his father had died one year before he was supposed to retire – and he was looking so forward to enjoying the fruits of his labor.  He just felt so bad that his father never had a chance to enjoy the retirement he so richly deserved.  Since there was nothing he could do about being fired, he decided to make the best of it – he decided he wanted to make it feel a bit like retiring.  He knows he will go back to work someday, and, in fact, has always been looking for work, he just decided that the fact that he was out of work wasn’t going to consume his life. 

We have all heard of the proverbial light at the end of the tunnel.  We have all experienced it, even in the darkest of times.  It doesn’t matter how dark things may be, there is always light, and it is not always at the end of a tunnel.  It is usually much closer than you think.  It is kind of like that other quote I recall, “He couldn’t see the forest through the trees.”  That one has always kind of cracked me up.  But that is exactly what depression is like!  Not seeing the light through the darkness is exactly like not see the forest through the trees.  The trees are right there!  So is the light. 

If you seek the light, you will find it.  Do you remember hiding in a dark closet when you were a little kid?  Do you remember how you would sit there and marvel at how it was so dark that you couldn’t even see your hand right in front of your face?  Do you remember, as your eyes began to adjust a bit, looking around that closet in search of just a sliver of light?  Do you remember knowing the best place to look?  Of course you do!  You looked at the bottom of the closet door!  You already know where the light is.  Are you just choosing not to go there?  Are you choosing to experience the darkness that surrounds you because it feels more “comfortable” to you for whatever reason?  I’ve been there.

When I first divorced, I was a mess.  As much of a mess as I was in, I knew where my light was.  I knew where I needed to go to find it.  I didn’t find it at the bottom of my closet door.  I could have wallowed in my darkness.  It was certainly a choice that I had.  But I decided that I didn’t want to do that.  I decided I needed to move forward.  I found a wonderful church that became my spiritual home.  I loved the people, I loved the minister, I loved the grounds, I loved the book store; I loved everything about this place.  It was so perfect for me.  When I decided to get back into education after a short absence, it required that I leave my church home and move to a very small town in Arizona.  Even in my absence, I felt like a member of this church.  But I had another ache within me – I desperately wanted a woman in my life. 

Through my new-found spirituality, I did find a wonderful woman.  But I also stopped seeking the light.  I had attained my goal.  I had found a wonderful spiritual woman.  I did not need to “search” anymore.  My spiritual relationship with God or my higher energy, or whatever, collapsed.  Because I stopped seeking the light, it began to dim.  The light will dim if you stop seeking it.  It won’t fade to nothing, but it will dim.  It will become hard to see again.  It will require you, when you are ready again, to adjust your focus so that you may see it once again.  This is okay, however, because once you have seen the light, you always know that it is there.  Even if you decide to refuse its warmth for a while, you will always remember it.  If you have already had experience with the light, then you a one step ahead of the game.  At least you know.

I bless the darkness because it helps me to see the value of the light.  We all go through our ups and downs, and we all go through them for a reason.  If we cannot know its opposite, we cannot appreciate the light. 

A thought that pops into my mind is when I had to give up my car for fourteen months.  I couldn’t afford to continue driving when I discovered I needed $2400 in repairs on my car.  I didn’t have that kind of money, so I sold my car, bought a bike, and began to ride and bus to work most days.  Occasionally, I would have the opportunity to borrow a car, and I truly appreciated those times.  I came to truly appreciate cars because of what an incredible time saver they are.  Sometimes I would have to leave work immediately so that I could ride two busses and bike three miles to pick up my son.  He was four at the time, and it was the worst when the bike rack on the bus was full.  We would have to wait up to another thirty minutes before another bus came along.  Fortunately, we were always able to figure out fun ways to pass the time, but it still did not minimize the value of time for me.  There were literally things I could not do because I just didn’t have the time. 

I have a car again, but I also have a different perspective on driving it.  I truly enjoy it.  Every once in awhile, I will see myself get slightly irritated by, for example, a bus stopping right in front of me to pick up passengers.  Then I will remember I was once one of those passengers!  And, I will remember how long the trip by bus used to take.  And, I will feel a moment of gratitude for being so blessed to have a car again, but only because I experienced the opposite.

Opposites exist for a reason.  We cannot understand the blessings we have until we first experience lack.  That, my friends, is another detailed post for another day! 

Count your blessings – no, I mean – really count your blessings.  You have many more than you think.

Namaste