A Trip to Wal-Mart

I had to rush to Wal-mart before church on Sunday to purchase a small gift for each of my two secret holiday pals. With my son Noah in tow, I rushed into the store. He said I was walking too fast, so even though he is six, I picked him up and carried him. The joy crossing his face was to die for. I’d mostly stopped carrying him when he turned five. But, he clearly still found pleasure in being carried through the store by his Daddy. I am sure he will ask me to do it again, now!

I knew exactly what I wanted. I’d seen these cute hot chocolate mug sets that were only $5 each on a previous trip. I’d bought two of them. One as a gift to myself, and one as a white elephant gift for a Christmas party. I headed straight for the section that I thought I’d find them (it was a different location), and I was sure I could identify the section it should be in.

Obviously, other shoppers had found them to be as cute as I had. I saw some tea mugs with spiced teas inside the cellophane wrapping, but it just didn’t feel right to get those. I also found these other larger hot chocolate mugs that just didn’t seem as attractive as the one that I really wanted. Noah started suggesting other possible gifts, and, of course, he thought my secret pals would like the Sponge Bob Bubble Bath, or the Sponge Bob this, or the Sponge Bob that!

On a whim, I started parting the spice tea mugs to see if I could find the hot chocolate mugs that I wanted. Lo and behold! I thought I saw one about five rows back. Sure enough I worked my way back there and pulled out what appeared to be the last cute hot chocolate mug set wrapped in clear cellophane! “Look, Noah! I found one!” I said excitedly. I leaned down to show it to him. He wrapped his hands around it and tried to take it from my hands.
“I want to hold it,” he said. At first, I wouldn’t let him take it from my hands, but he is six. He is old enough to responsibly hold something like this.

So with a bit of trepidation, I released it and let him take it saying, “Okay, be careful.” After all, I still had to find one more gift. Noah walked over to the candy section just behind me and started wondering aloud whether one of my secret pals might like some Almond Roca. “I would sure like that,” he said.

I smiled and turned around to look between the tea mugs a bit more when I heard a dull crack. It sounded like a dropped mug wrapped in cellophane – wait a minute! I turned around and saw on the floor between myself and Noah, was a mug half flattened against the floor. “Oh no!” I said loud enough to be heard at least down my aisle. Noah beat me to the cellophane-wrapped mug and picked it up. Concerned that he was going to cut his finger on the ceramic pieces poking through the cellophane, I reached for it and asked him to let go of it. He maintained a tight grip, so I looked him straight into his dark brown eyes encircled with a hint of green and said, “Noah, let me have it.” He let go, and both of us stood up.

I turned to contemplate how I was going to handle this the rest of the way when I noticed that we were being watched by more than a handful of other people. It was in that split second that I noticed them watching me that I knew that I was going to be judged by them based upon my actions in the next couple of moments. Everyone seemed to have this fearful, what is he going to do next? look. I sheepishly looked at the mug, held it up and said, “Darn! It was the last one!” Everyone I looked at quickly changed their expressions to smiles of appreciation, and one mother said, “That thing must have been a bit slippery in his tiny hands.” I agreed with her.

Satisfied with how I’d resolved this, the watchers carried on with whatever they were doing. I looked at Noah who still had a look of guilt and maybe a tad of fear, and said, “Don’t worry about it, Bud, I probably shouldn’t have let you hold it.”

He looked at me and said the best two possible words that he could have said in that moment, “Sorry, Daddy.”

I smiled and said, “I know you are. Now we just have to find something else!”

With very little time for looking, I settled on the larger, less attractive hot chocolate mug sets and carried those along with the broken one. “What are you going to do with that one?” Noah asked.

“I’m going to pay for it,” I said.

“You are?” he said.

“Of course,” I said, “Even if you break something by accident, you should still take responsibility for it.”

“Oh.”

I did take it to the check-out counter where I handed the broken one to the checker and told him, “My son accidentally dropped this, I will pay for it.” He took it from me and said not to worry about it. I thanked him. I didn’t want to pay for it, of course, but it always felt good at least being honest about what happened. I was glad that it was an opportunity, also, for Noah to see what the correct thing to do in such situations is.

As we walked out I told Noah that I didn’t have to pay for the broken mug after all. He asked me why not. I told him that the store probably accepted breakage as a normal part of being in the retail business. Of course, a comment like that was followed up by a bunch more questions about what exactly that meant! After explaining, I told Noah that I was really happy that he thought to apologize to me for having dropped it.

I came away remembering the faces on all those customers who’d witnessed the action. Who I initially presumed were waiting to judge me for my actions. And I found myself glad that they were there. I have to admit seeing all those looks made me stop and ponder, even if for a split second, what is the best way for me to react to this situation. There is so much that can be learned from a situation like this not only by Noah, but also by me. Yes, I’d wanted that mug, especially after the way I found it. But when you stop to think about it, it was just a mug. In the 48 hours following this incident, I have often pondered how I would have reacted to it if I’d still been staying up late at night playing poker. Would I have been grouchy about my umpteenth consecutive loss and lashed out at him? I pondered how I would have reacted if I was drinking, or doing drugs. Or if I was just plain tired. Or if I’d been raised by parents who hit me as a regular form of punishment. But then again, those people who were eying me were me. They were the real me. They were really me looking at myself and making sure that I thought about what I was doing. And I realized that the physical look from a brother or a sister has great power over me. I also realized that I need to have that same approach when I am not being watched.

The more I sit and write this, the more I realize that this incident was a gift. It is a reminder, a constant reminder, that everything happens for a reason. The question is, what I am I to learn from this. It amazes me the impact that such an incident can have on a small child. I know of many parents who would have reacted a variety of different ways to the same situation. I have felt disgust when watching parents react in ways that did not correspond with what I think they should have done. I hate seeing parents grab their children, squeeze their arm tightly, and tug them around violently. But who am I to judge? Maybe it is just a lesson for me. When I see that, I know that is something I do not want for my own child.

My incident was an opportunity for me. Maybe those people who were watching me don’t know how they would have responded in a similar situation, so they were curious to see how I would. Maybe, when I showed that my disappointment was in losing the “last cute hot chocolate mug,” and not in my son, they got to see me model the correct way to behave. Maybe they wondered what I would do with the mug and when they saw me hold onto it. Then they realized that I was going to do the right thing and take it to the cashier and pay for it. Maybe one of them followed me to find out exactly what I would do. Who knows. All I know is that the right thing to do comes from deep inside of me. My own parents modeled it for me. My friends modeled it for me. My teachers modeled it for me. There is a lot of power from something like that coming from your deepest, highest self. And when it is all over, you find yourself surrounded by this incredible, enveloping peace. Do the right thing – it is worth it.

Namaste